


Run Program: AKMIA

by cjr09



Category: Eldemore
Genre: A self indulgent OC fic to be perfectly honest, F/F, I feel like I should, I regret nothing and also everything, My fevered brain came up with this, Should I dedicate this to Zayin sheerly because of the way I wrote this, but hey now the Eld archive is less empty, gloriously unbeta'd, in the point of view of the Brass Steampunk Drake because why not, the Glitch only makes a quick appearance he's got places to be and things to destroy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-17 00:07:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3507722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjr09/pseuds/cjr09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Looking after Tony Dalca can be hard. Especially when you're a slowly rusting robotic drake whose code is shabby at best.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Run Program: AKMIA

**Author's Note:**

> My robotics and coding knowledge is finally coming in handy, and not, in fact, for coding purposes.
> 
> Because I don't think I ever mentioned clearly- this is from the viewpoint of Akmia, the Brass Steampunk Drake, and while I never mentioned what he is, TEP is the Fragmented Steampunk Drake.

 Timestamp: 05.07.15_07_45

Trigger: Tony hasn’t eaten in 12 hours.

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Trigger: No food.

Run Program: Make(Toast)

Running.

Running.

Running.

Kitchen on fire.

 

Timestamp: 05.07.15_07_51

Trigger: Kitchen on fire.

Run Program: FireExtinguisher

Running.

Running.

Fire extinguished.

Program_FireExtinguisher successfully executed!

 

Timestamp: 05.07.15_07_56

Trigger: Tony hasn’t eaten in 12 hours.

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Trigger: No food.

Run SubRoutine: Make(Toast)

Running.

Running.

Running.

SubRoutine_Make(Toast) successfully executed!

 

Timestamp: 05.07.15_08_04

Trigger: Tony hasn’t eaten in 12 hours.

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Concat{Food^Toast}

Run Program: Feed(Tony_Toast)

Running.

Running.

Running.

Tony threw toast on the floor.

 

Timestamp: 05.07.15_08_17

“Stop trying to feed me or I’ll throw you in the scrapyard with Dell’s laptops you useless rustbucket.”

Trigger: Threat(Tony_Akmia)

Run Program: Sad

Trigger Override: “Stop trying feed me or I’ll throw you in the scrapyard with Dell’s laptops you useless rustbucket.”

Run Program: NegFeed(Tony)

Program_NegFeed(Tony) successfully executed!

 

Timestamp: 05.07.15_08_22

Trigger: Tony hasn't eaten in 12.5 hours.

Trigger Override: “Stop trying to feed me or I’ll throw you in the scrapyard with Dell’s laptops you useless rustbucket.”

Trigger: Tony hasn't eaten in 12.5 hours.

Trigger Override: “Stop trying to feed me or I’ll throw you in the scrapyard with Dell’s laptops you useless rustbucket.”

Trigger: Tony hasn't eaten in 12.5 hours.

 

Timestamp: 05.07.15_08_24

Trigger: Impact detected.

Trigger: Tony in pain.

Run Program: FirstAid(Tony)

Trigger: Tony hasn't eaten in 12.5 hours.

Trigger Override: “Stop trying to feed me or I’ll throw you in the scrapyard with Dell’s laptops you useless rustbucket.”

Trigger: Tony hasn't eaten in 12.5 hours.

Trigger Override: “Stop trying to feed me or I’ll throw you in the scrapyard with Dell’s laptops you useless rustbucket.”

“Shoot, you’re stuck in a loop aren't you? Knew I should've included more halting subroutines… Hey, Akmia, cancel whatever’s got you stuck in a loop and just run your normal programs, yeah?”

 

Timestamp: 05.07.15_08_34

Trigger: Tony hasn’t eaten in 12.5 hours.

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Run Program: Feed(Tony_Toast)

Running.

Tony threw toast at Akmia.

 

Timestamp: 05.07.15_08_47

Trigger: Directional specific projectiles detected.

Run Program: Play(Catch)

Running.

Running.

Tony left the area.

Program_Play(Catch) cancelled.

 

Timestamp: 05.07.15_08_52

Trigger: Tony hasn't eaten in 13 hours.

Run Prog-

 

Timestamp: 05.07.15_08_52

Trigger: TEPCommunication("Tony is ordering food, AKMIA. Cancel program: Feed Tony")

Program cancelled.

 

Timestamp: 05.10.15_03_13

Trigger: Tony hasn’t eaten in 12 hours

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Running.

Running.

ERROR.

No toaster.

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Run SubRoutine: Toast_NegToaster

Analyzing kitchen.

Concat{negToaster^WaffleIron}

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Run SubRoutine: Toast_WaffleIron

Running.

Running.

Kitchen on fire.

 

Timestamp: 05.10.15_03_24

Trigger: Tony hasn’t eaten in 12 hours.

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Running.

Running.

ERROR.

No toaster.

Concat{NegToast^Pizza}

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Run SubRoutine: Call(Pizza)

Running.

Running.

“Hello, this is Alabaster Pizza, and I’d ask what you were doing calling at three in the morning but I’m not allowed by company policy. How can I help you?

Trigger: Phone(Communication)

Run Program: Communicate(Phone)

Running.

Running.

Running.

“Uh… hello? Hello? No, I don’t know what’s going on, guy must’ve butt-dialed or something, all I can hear is beeps- Look, hey buddy! Hey! I’m hanging up now! Yo! Okay, whatever, I don’t get paid enough for this anyway…”

Dial tone.

 

Timestamp: 05.12.15_13_01

Trigger: Sink full of dirty dishes.

Run Program: Clean(Dishes)

Running.

Running.

Running.

ERROR.

Emergency lab shutdown.

 

Timestamp: 05.13.15_18_33

Trigger: Tony asleep on worktable.

Run Program: Blanket(Tony)

Running.

Running.

Program_Blanket(Tony) successfully executed!

 

Timestamp: 05.18.15_13_00

Trigger: User [Lieutenant Lyra Harp] entered room.

Run Program: GreetUser [Lieutenant Lyra Harp]

Running.

Received: Pat on head.

Program_GreetUser successfully executed!

 

Timestamp: 05.18.15_13_14

Trigger: Tony shouting.

Run Program: Protect(Tony_Lyra)

Running.

Running.

User [Lieutenant Lyra Harp] has left the premises.

Program_Protect(Tony_Lyra) successfully executed!

 

Timestamp: 05.19.15_11_21

Trigger: User [Lieutenant Lyra Harp] entered room.

Run Program: GreetUser [Lieutenant Lyra Harp]

Run SubRoutine: ShooUser [Lieutenant Lyra Harp]

“Oh, hey Ak- I really wish you had a nicer name- ah, hi, Akmia. Could you… please stop nudging at my shin?”

Running.

Running.

“Oh, I get it, you’re mad at me for fighting with Tony the other day. Sorry, big guy, I didn’t mean it to get so heated.”

Running.

“Okay, okay, I get the message. But I come bearing a peace offering, so could you just give Tony this sandwich? She takes such bad care of herself, and I don’t need her slumping over on top of something dangerous and bringing us down and engineer. Just- give this to her, okay? Can you do that, take this?”

Trigger: Command(Deliver(Food_Tony))

Run Program: Deliver(Food_Tony)

Running.

Running.

“What? What is- where did you get that? Did Lieutenant Perfect send you? Oh great, she’s taking over my robots. Next thing you know she’ll be commandeering TEP, interrupting my work…”

Holding.

Holding.

Program_Deliver(Food_Tony) successfully executed!

Delete SubRoutine: ShooUser [Lieutenant Lyra Harp].

 

Timestamp: 05.20.15_12_00

Trigger: User[Lieutenant Lyra Harp] entered the room.

Run Program: GreetUser[Lieutenant Lyra Harp]

Running.

“Oh, hey, Akmia! What, not gonna kick me out today?”

Received: Pat on head.

Program_GreetUser successfully executed!

“So, where’s your Rider? I’ll try not to upset her, but Tony can be… well, Tony. Anyway, can you show me where she is?”

Trigger: Command_Guide(Lyra_Tony)

Run Program: Guide(Lyra_Tony)

Running.

Program_Guide(Lyra_Tony) successfully executed!

“Traitor! You’re a traitor, Akmia, why are you always bringing her- that’s it, I’m gonna turn you into scraps and make water filtration fixtures out of you and send you to the furthest reaches of the Ashmoors. See how many friends you make there.”

Trigger: Threat(Tony_AKMIA)

Run Program: Sad

Program_Sad successfully executed!

“Tony, that’s horrible! Look, you made him sad!”

“He’s just circuitry and metal. I made him when I was bored. He doesn’t actually feel like that.”

“ _You’re_ circuitry and metal. Doesn’t mean you don’t feel things.”

“Oh, spare me the sentiment, Harp. What do you want?”

 

Timestamp: 06.02.15_07_47

Trigger: Tony tired.

Run Program: Make(Coffee)

Trigger: Tony hasn’t eaten in 12 hours.

Run SubRoutine: Add(Toast)

Program_Make(Coffee) successfully executed!

Run Program: Deliver(Coffee_Tony)

Running.

“I knew I kept you around for something. Maybe next time, don’t put the toast in the coffee mug with the coffee. Go make me some more, off you go.”

Trigger: Command_Deliver(Tony_Coffee)

Run Program: Make(Coffee)

Trigger: User[Lieutenant Lyra Harp] entered the room.

Run Program: GreetUser [Lieutenant Lyra Harp]

Running.

Received: Pat on head.

Program_GreetUser successfully executed!

Coffemaker on fire.

Run Program: FireExtinguisher

Fire extinguished.

Program_FireExtinguisher successfully executed!

Coffee burned.

Run Program: Sad

Program_Sad successfully executed!

“Oh, no, don’t be sad, buddy! Look, here, I can fix it. Just give me a sec…”

Trigger: Coffee

Run Program: Deliver(Coffee_Tony)

Running.

“Don’t worry, buddy, I got it.”

Running.

Running.

“Alright, alright, just try not to spill any on your… parts. Yeah.”

“Okay, do you have a new subroutine to bring her with you every time you come down here?”

Program_Deliver(Coffee) successfully executed!

“Hello, Tony. A pleasure.”

“Yeah, yeah. You here for the thing?”

“Yes, Tony. The ‘thing’.”

“Alright then, scoot on over. I don’t bite. Unless you’re into that.”

Run Program: Rename

[Lieutenant Lyra Harp]//[Lyra]

Program_Rename successfully executed!

 

Timestamp: 06.07.15_09_46

Trigger: Threat(UI_Tony)

Run Program: Protect(Tony_UI)

Trigger: Ceiling on floor.

Run Program: Sweep

Trigger: Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Run Program: FireExtinguisher

Trigger: Threat(UI_Lyra)

Run Program: Protect(Lyra_UI)

Trigger: Security breach.

Run Program: Contact(TEP)

Trigger: Tony hasn’t eaten in 12 hours.

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Trigger: Tony injured.

Run Program: FirstAid(Tony)

Trigger: Lyra injured.

Run Program: FirstAid(Lyra)

Too many programs in queue.

Run SubRoutine: Decending_Importance

Run Program: Protect(Tony_UI)

Run SubRoutine: Throw(Object)

Run SubRoutine: Locate(Object)

Running.

Running.

Toast.

Concat{Object^Toast}

Run SubRoutine: Throw(Toast)

SubRoutine Throw(Toast) successfully executed!

“Did you just throw _toast_ at me? _Did you just hit me with buttered toast?_ ”

Run Program: Identify(UI)

Running.

Program_Identify(UI//GlitchAncient) executed successfully!

Warning: Electrostatic increase.

Run Program: Move

Run SubRoutine: Decending_Importance

Run Program: Protect(Tony_GlitchAncient)

Warning: Massive electrobbzzzzzzzt1001101010

Ru11001 Pro001001011101gr10101m: Mmmrrrrrzzzzzt0100101011110101001

Ruuuuunzzzt10101000101110100101

“ _That’s for messing with the Glitch._ ”

System shutdown.

 

Timestamp: 06.08.15_01_15

Trigger: System Restart.

Run Program: Systems Check.

Answer(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Answer(x){x|x (Pos), (Neg)}; Add(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Blanket(USER); Call(x){x|x (Tony), (TEP), (Tetra), (Lyra), (Sumati), (Phillip)}; Catch_x{x|x (Attack), (Defense), (Play), (Protect)}; Command_x{x|x (\\\phi^psi^...phi+1}; Concat{x1^x2^...xn+1}; Deliver(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Descending_Importance; Directional specific projectiles subroutine(x){x|x n1 v n2 v... n+1}; Draw(x){x|x 1, 2, 3}; Feed(USER); Fetch(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1}; FireExtinguisher; FirstAid(USER); Flashback; Follow(USER); Gratitude; Greet(USER); Give(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Guarddog(x){x|x n1 v n2 v... n+1}; Guide(x_y){x,y|x,y (USER_(Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)};  Hydrate(USER); Insult(x_y){x,y|x,y USER_USER}; TEPCommunicate; Leave; Locate{x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}v{x|x (USER)}; Look(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1};  Make(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Mess(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Move; Neg(x){x|x (Program\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Open(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Pet(USER); Praise(USER); Protect(x_y){x,y|x,y(USER_USER)v(USER_[Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1])}; Rename[x]\\\\[x]{x|x n1 v n2 v... n+1}; Run; Happy; Sad; Sleep(USER); Shame; Shoo(USER); Stop; SystemsCheck(x){x|x (Program\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Stay; Sweep(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Take(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Talk(USER); Threat(x_y){x,y|x,y(USER_USER)v(USER_[Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1])};   Throw(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}; Wait(USER); Watch(x){x|x (Object\\\phi v psi v... phi+1)}...

“I swear, Snafu just shows up like he owns the place, then decides he’s gonna mess with my drake, of course I’m gonna electrocute his fur off- oh. Hey, Akmia, you back with me?”

Program_SystemCheck executed successfully!

Trigger: Tony in room.

Run Program: Greet(Tony)

“Yeah, hi. You’re up and running. Hi.”

Program_GreetUser successfully executed!

“Yeah, system’s check is good. FYI, did some modifications to your joints while you were under, go check them out. Movement check, point A to B.”

Trigger: Command_Move{SystemsCheck_MotorSystem_1}

Run Program: Move{SystemsCheck_MotorSystem_1}

Running.

Running.

Report: MotorSystem_1 +45% Yield.

Run Program: Happy

Program_Happy successfully executed!

Trigger: Lyra entered the room.

Run Program: Greet(Lyra)

“Hey, you’re back up and running again! That was very brave of you, throwing your toast at the Glitch. Tony hit him with her wheelchair, so I don’t think we’ll be seeing him again soon, so there’s nothing more to worry about, yeah?”

Program_GreetUser successfully executed!

“I did warn him I’d run over his fingers if he tried to mess with my drake. He messed with my drake, I ran over his fingers.”

“Yeah, at _Mach One._ ”

“I never said I wouldn’t turn on the boosters on this thing. I might be stuck in a chair, but that doesn’t mean I can bear to sit around and wait. I’ve got stuff to do, places to go, and no patience for people who stop in the middle of a crowded sidewalk.”

“ _Tony.”_

“At that point they _deserve_ to get run over, Lyra, you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it before.”

Trigger: Ceiling on the floor.

Run Program: Sweep

Trigger: Tony injured.

Run Program: FirstAid(Tony)

Trigger: Lyra injured.

Run Program: FirstAid(Lyra)

Run SubRoutine: Decending_Importance

Run Program: FirstAid(Tony)

“Oh, no no no. You get away from me with those bandaids you overgrown toaster, go fix Lyra. Shoo.”

Trigger: Command_FirstAid(Lyra)

Run Program: FirstAid(Lyra)

“Are those glitter bandages? You shouldn’t have, Akmia, thank you. Let me just slap one of these on myself… yep, all better now, thank you. Here, you need one too, right on top of this scratch… there. You’re all better now!”

Trigger: Glitter bandage.

Run Program: Happy

Program_Happy successfully executed!

Trigger: Ceiling on floor.

Run Program: Sweep

Trigger: Tony hasn’t eaten in 12 hours.

Run Program: Feed(Tony)

Trigger: Tony injured.

Run Program: FirstAid(Tony)

Run-

“Tony, really, you got some scrapes when you tried to punch the Glitch, and your fingers are rubbed raw- just, hold still and let me look.”

Program cancelled.

“What no, Lyra I’m _fine._ I’ve done worse to myself before and survived without medical intervention-”

“ _Tony.”_

“ _What?_ Don’t look at me like that, feathers, I’m a big girl, I can look after myself. Now help me get back into my chair- WHAT ARE YOU DOING.”

Trigger: Threat(Lyra_Tony)

Syntax failure: Threat(Lyra_Tony)

“Carrying you to bed.”

“I can _see_ tha- just, put me down, put me back in my chair, and I’ll put some sparkle bandages on, and get back to work."

“No. I’ll put you down, get some bandages on you, and you can sleep off today, considering you haven’t slept in… Tep?”

“Tony has not slept in-”

“Tep, I will turn you into scrap metal, ancients so help me-”

“Tony has not slept in 56.4 hours, miss Lyra.”

“Tep I’m turning you into a toaster and letting Akmia use you, I swear.”

“Very good, miss.”

“Alright, we’re going to get some food in you then get you to sleep. Hold still while I bandage your hands.”

Trigger: Command_Make(Food)

Run Program: Make(Food)

Concat{Food^Toast}

Run Program: Make(Toast)

“Where’s Akmia going?”

“Probably to sweep up some or something. There’s no possible way for him to cause any more damage, anyway.”

Running.

Running.

Kitchen on fire.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a cold I sincerely apologize for the probably shabby state of this fic, I'll try and get back to it when I have time/am not sick.
> 
> The format of this fic is very similar to an absolutely amazing fanfiction I read a very long time ago that I can't even recall the name of, so I can't take any credit for coming up with this style of writing.
> 
> Shoutout to Sphye for catching my not-exactly-clear reference to the Glitch, hopefully I've fixed it now!


End file.
